i pull the trigger and lilies fly out: a collection of poetry

Graduation Year


Publication Date

Spring 2018


At the request of the author, this paper is not available for download. Bona fide researchers may consult it by visiting the University Archives in Tate Archives & Special Collections; contact archives@iwu.edu for details.


[Archives staff derived this excerpt from the author’s Introduction.] To be queer is to be continually silenced and sanitized, both by yourself and others. Through my poetic project, “i pull the trigger and lilies fly out,” I am reclaiming those aspects of myself and forming my own expression of the self. There is a quietness to my work, a continual movement into a lyrical, ethereal space, a suspension of time where the contemplation of a possible action is emphasized, rather than the action. This stillness, this self-awareness, and constant feeling of “what-if” embodies the extent to which I contemplate my place as a queer woman in every space I occupy. By creating work centered on this self, and not needing a disclaimer for my queerness but also note needing to make it shout, I was able to craft my own queer identity. I have often felt on the margins in this respect; I was too gay for my straight friends and too “straight” in mannerisms and dress for my gay friends. By holding my identity in my own hands, I was finally able to mold something that is me, and that I am proud to embody. When you are queer, you often have to create your own space and your own identity. In this project, I have finally formed my own.


English Language and Literature

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