All Things Counter

Graduation Year

2021

Publication Date

2021

Comments

At the request of the author, this paper is not available for download. Bona fide researchers may consult it by visiting the University Archives in Tate Archives & Special Collections; contact archives@iwu.edu for details.

Abstract

I have always been aware of the fact that my existence has been populated by numerous contradictions for the better part of my life. However, this has become especially apparent during my undergraduate years at Illinois Wesleyan University. This has resulted from some rather large revelations about myself in addition to the normal course that life has taken for me throughout my twenty-two years: I realized during my time at Illinois Wesleyan that I was bisexual, and I was later also diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder (ASD). These, in addition to many of my interpersonal struggles and mental health issues, furnished many, many contradictions within my life (one of the most prevalent examples regarding my mental health issues is the fact that I sometimes simultaneously hold the conflicting desires of wanting to die and wanting to live; for an example regarding my ASD, I often desire interpersonal connections, and yet also dread those same connections; and so on). I had a very difficult time conceiving on one cohesive theme that could encompass the work I would do on a research honors project, as my writings, like my life, contain many contradictions (both across works and even in the same works sometimes), but I eventually realized that I could specifically make the contradictory aspects of my life (and, by extension, my writings) the focus of the project. That is what this project is: a collection of writings that express the contradictory aspects of existing as I do in the world.

Disciplines

English Language and Literature

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